I’m a Bit of a Fixer Upper

I often don’t understand the way life plays out. I don’t guess I’m alone in this state of ignorance. For instance, this very second…it’s 1:33am. I can’t sleep, despite exhaustion. I’m sitting straight upright in a recliner propped up by a million pillows. I can’t move without assistance & when I do, it causes immeasurable pain. Like a 53 on a scale of 1-10. The day after Christmas I slid down the stairs & broke 2 ribs. Doing absolutely nothing. Just walking down them after waking up. One minute I’m taking a step, the next I feel a rib crack & I’m at the bottom~ immobile. Had to call the ambulance. I suppose this is not the most awful thing that could have happened-according to the nurse. She said “thank goodness it wasn’t a concussion.” Well, I’ve had those before. Sure they are irritating but nothing like this. That rib I felt snap? Feels like it’s stabbing my kidney every time I try to move so it’s sends me into pirate mode. It’s broken friend just makes breathing not so easy. Doesn’t tickle but it’s not stabbing me.

Oh, maybe I should also mention that the reason I think I fell so dramatically is because 2 weeks ago, I was chasing a little critter at church. He stopped, I couldn’t. I scooped him up & barrel rolled. Breaking my elbow. Yup. My elbow. No cast there either. Just misery. Ps. Thankfully he is fine. Although I now see that broken elbow was like tiptoeing through cotton candy compared to this rib thing. Not that I am recommending either scenario. But, in order to protect my broken elbow, as I tumbled down the stairs, I twisted left, bruising & breaking things along the way.

I’ve got a touch of clumsy. Always have. Funny thing is I JUST had a conversation with someone who said I need to understand this is not who I am. Well. That’s difficult. Today anyways.

Sitting here with a fractured radial head (elbow) & two broken ribs-each on opposite sides of my body, rendering me almost incapable of most functionality, I’m struggling to see the good in this. I’m hobbling to the restroom. After 10-15 minutes, I hobble back out. And no, it’s not because of the “business” inside. It just takes that long to get through the process. I was at least showering with the elbow. Now I’m using dry shampoo & no rinse washcloths. (Don’t get too close for a while.) TMI-I currently have to go to the bathroom but since everyone is asleep, I can’t go. I tried to get up but I can’t. Also, it’s time for an 800 mg ibuprofen but I need food. I don’t have any so it will make me throw up. I sit here exhausted, need to pee & in pain but depending upon others for every little necessity of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT complaining about my help. I’m still living with my sister & her family. They are amazing. She’s a nurse so that helps a lot. Her hubby left work to come home to take care of getting me off the floor. When he got there though, that couldn’t happen so he called 911 & met me at the Er. So did my sister. My niece & nephews have made me lunch, fed my fish, cleaned his tank, brought me drinks, helped me up & even sleep in the same room so I’m not alone.

My church framily has brought meals & has them scheduled out till next week. They brought a walker to assist me getting up & down. Offering anything I can think of & driving 45 minutes to deliver it. My mom & other sister will be over later today to visit.

I’m definitely loved & supported in ways many people never get to feel or see in their own lives. I’m not bragging. But I know that I am immeasurably blessed in the areas it matters most-love & people.

So what’s my point in this blog? I don’t know. Venting? I’m irritated. Hugely irritated. I don’t like to be down, I don’t like to be dependent, I definitely don’t like to hurt every time I move.

But that’s probably not really my point. I think if I am to be the faith based crazy bible banger that I claim to be, I need to include what I think the spiritual side of this could be. Oh that’s pretty big. Lol. Sooooo many things.

How about first, I don’t think it’s ALL about me? I know. I wish everything was but truthfully, it just isn’t. Lol. Maybe, God is using this opportunity to show others what HIS love looks like on earth. Maybe He pushed me down the stairs…JUST KIDDING. But seriously. Maybe this is a chance to show others what BEING His church looks like.

Secondly, back to me. I’m stubborn. Like a mule. Maybe I wasn’t picking up what He was trying to get me to see. Oh. Hello! I’m awake. I’m listening now. Please tell me & let’s move past this. Miraculously fix these suckers & let me get back to life. Maybe I need some one on one time with God. Maybe I need to be in deep prayer for someone or something. I don’t know yet but I am spending time with him at every chance I get.

Thirdly, also me. (Everything is not ALL about me but they are MY ribs so likely MY lessons.) I’m the leader of a ministry that serves others in their times of need. I’ve never experienced what my incredible team is capable of doing. Mostly because I refused. 😬 But this time, I caved. I said ok to being loved on. And let me tell you-I don’t like it. Oh I love it. But I hate it. I want to be the one serving. I don’t want to be served. My team, my church, is SOooooooo generous, loving, genuine, remarkable. The love & relationships are unlike any I have ever known. These people show up! Walking the walk that Jesus directs us to walk. Since I have a need, they began texting immediately to help. Saying yes was so hard I actually tried to cry. (Painful.) But it has also been so amazing to see these people give up their time, talents, finances, & gas to bring me dinner. I’m a solid 40-45 minutes away, yet that hasn’t been an issue. Not one person has said that I’m too far away. No one has said good luck with that. They have mentioned putting me in a shell of bubble wrap. Can’t argue that. See, my support system is strong. Still. After years of being part of this church, as we grow, it doesn’t become less intimate. It doesn’t lose sight of what is important. It creates bigger circles of relationship. It loves more people in the places they are. It’s generosity becomes contagious & I am grateful for my team. I love their hearts, their refusal to say no. I love that we say “Yes!” & figure out the details later if it means we love & serve outside of the box.

So that’s where my life is-literally broken. In fact, this post was made possible by my voice to text. Lol. Corrections are one thing. Typing a bunch is another.

What am I going to do now? Duh. Spend time with the big guy upstairs. He’s pushing me down stairs to get my attention, I better give him some time so I don’t end up in a coma. I’m totally teasing. But I am going to keep listening. Clearly I need to hear something.

Love your uglies. Embrace your support system. Thank them for being the best & putting up with your crazy. But don’t forget, you are also that person for others. So allow me to thank YOU for your generosity & heart for your people. Take them a meal, buy them a cup of coffee, send them a text. Just reach out. It matters.