I know I’ve been silent this year but I’ve been busy & just haven’t made blogging a priority.
I think today we will just catch up. I’ll go all the way back because it’s been a fairly good year. I’m currently flying home from Alaska from a 2 week vacation so I’m feeling great! But that post will have to wait.
As you will remember, I began the year pretty broken. Literally. A broken elbow, two broken ribs, degenerative discs. A lot of pain, a little immobilizing of the joints but a lot of me being immobilized from severe pain, a lot of dependence on others, a lot of pain meds & a lot of prayer. I blogged about the breaks. One of my “fans” commented some very unbecoming remarks about me becoming addicted to pain pills. Since I have a family member with an addiction issue, this struck home & shut me down from sharing anything I was facing in the blog. I contemplated sharing his comments, or just not mentioning it, or addressing it with the emotional pain & anger I felt…I just couldn’t decide so I quit. Since I’m very vocal about my love of God, my walk in faith, & share quite openly about the role that plays in my life, I wasn’t sure if sharing would open a Pandora’s box of conversations with this entity that I was not willing to entertain. However, I was quite disturbed to receive the nasty comment from a person named “demon” whose email address was hell.com.
Giving any credence to the devil, especially in a place that hits home like this did, is not how I usually handle what I view as a spiritual attack. I prefer to acknowledge it with God, in prayer, fighting it on a spiritual level. But I also realized that to get such a blatant blast like that, is pretty rare. Maybe there is a reason he wanted me to shut up. No, I don’t think the devil, pitchfork in one hand, iPad in the other, was literally sitting there commenting. I think the tool he used was just as powerful as if he was. Because it worked. I shut down.
Now, I have worked thru the meds I was on. It didn’t take me that long. I was quite medicated for about 70 days. However, knowing there is a family history of addiction, I began having friends pray over me as soon as I began taking medication. I monitored doses very strictly. I recognized when I was wanting to take them out of fear of pain but not necessarily because I was actually in it. And I stopped them. Cold turkey. Not because a problem arose but because God protected me from ever developing one.
Here is the most exciting thing to report. Most January’s, my church does a corporate fasting period. I also like to chose a word of the year. As I began to pray over my word & the fast, I felt God telling me the word was “Restoration.” Biblical restoration is not the reverse country song. It doesn’t mean, I get my dog back, my house back, my spouse back, etc… What it does mean is that God will – In Abundance – bring to my life what the enemy has robbed from me. The very day we began our fast, I got a letter from my son. After 4 years of no communication, he reached out.
I can’t lie & say I was jumping & dancing in joy. I was terrified. I didn’t know what he wanted, I didn’t know if I could trust it, I didn’t know if I wanted to be restored because I was so hurt. But he persisted. I got a letter every 4-5 days. Then he called. We spoke for a little bit & finally I could breathe. He was different. He was not the same kid that I last saw 4 years ago headed in the wrong direction. I no longer worried about my safety or about his choices. Well, ok, as a mother, I will always worry about those. But not because I felt he was self destructing.
He lives out of state, but he was local for a week & we met for dinner 5 times during his visit. We stayed out talking until we were kicked out of the restaurants. Since then, we speak every few days. My heart is filled with joy at seeing the man he has become, who he is trying to be, at how much he has turned his life around. But mostly, this momma is just happy to have her son again. I never quit praying for his life to change. I see the fruits of those prayers every day. I see restoration in my own heart, life & our relationship. Our prayers are eternal, just because we don’t see them immediately, doesn’t mean they aren’t being worked on, or won’t be answered. A parents love is so deep that when we pray, our love sends fierce, defending, protecting prayers. Our guttural war cry to God for our children resonates deep within his heart because He too is a parent. Ours.
Get in your prayer closet. Cry out in prayer. Nothing is too great or too small for God to hear. Whether praying for a child, a friend, or calling on trusted friends to pray for us, God hears them all.
Love & prayers,
Matilda
Day By Day 